Giving it Away

The biggest motivator for studying all these types of subjects related to health was driven by my motivation to do right by my kids. Once I knew I was responsible for another person that I really really didn't want to screw up, I started down this road to figure out what was best for them.

One of the things I studied was the effects of sugar and how many negative side effects it has and how addictive it is. So, I've raised my boys on a very low sugar diet. About 3 years ago, though, I had to face something in myself. I was very good at restricting the boys diet but not my own. I would often have sweets during nap time and after bed time. Ice cream. Yum. Or anything chocolate. All the chocolate. I deserved it. It was my place to take a break and just relax and enjoy something while the boys napped or after a long day. My thought process when thinking about cutting back on sugar went something like, "I'll go one week without any dessert or extra sugar" to "Well, once a week dessert is defiantly moderation and very healthy" to "Well, it's someones birthday, but I didn't really enjoy that cake so it doesn't count as my once a week dessert" to "a couple of sweet snacks through out the week's not terrible" to "forget it!". This cycle would pop up every now and then. It wasn't my fault I had my grandpa's sweet tooth. 

Then, my boys started getting older. They were seeing the ice cream and snacks I was putting in the shopping cart and asking about if mommy was eating the ice cream after they went to bed. I had to face some truth. What were my reasons for it being ok for mommy to eat the sugar when I was trying to educate them on how unhealthy sugar was? When you ask yourself questions honestly, it forces us to get uncomfortable. And so, I asked the uncomfortable questions. Why do I not value my own body like I do my boys? Why do I make excuses for myself and not for the boys? Why is there a double standard? Why am I ok with controlling with goes in my kids mouths but not my own. I came to face my hypocrisy. I realized that I was teaching them that there are different rules for being a grown up verses a kid and that once they grow up they can eat what they want. But until then they are not being fed sugar by someone who really isn't convinced of the things she's preaching to her babies about how unhealthy it is. 

I didn't want to continue to be two faced with my kids. Besides, kids can smell insincerity a mile away. So, I turned and faced myself in the mirror. I had to call myself what I really was. I was a sugar addict. We can make jokes and laugh it off or say it's over dramatic, but it's very real. Studies show that if you see how the brain reacts to cocaine and how it reacts to sugar, it's the same and sometimes sugar gets a stronger reaction. It's powerfully addictive stuff. It changes our tastebuds and neural pathways and it had to be called what it was. That's when I got serious. I didn't want anything to control my kids and I didn't want anything to control me. So, I cut it out. All of it. No katsup with sugar in it, no coffee with sugar in it, no spaghetti sauce. I made everything from scratch for myself and wrestled with this process for a month or so. And I came out on top. I honestly will always be a recovered sugar addict. Even this year, I got loose in my standards for myself and ate some of my kiddos Easter candy (just being honest) and I started to get that slightly out of control feeling. So, I cut it out again. Hard core, get serious type cut it out. 

It's so good to not be under that any more. But it's also amazing to see the difference in my kid's 'buy in' to eating healthy. They know mom and dad believe what we say and it makes a huge impact on how they view this whole subject. They desire to be and eat healthy and as I educate them and model, they are really great at making good choices for themselves and learning how their body feels through it all. 

One of the things I learned through this process, is you really can't give away something you don't have. If I'm not walking the walk and talking the talk it's going to be very challenging for my kids to buy 'it', whatever 'it' is.

I know sugar is a sensitive subject and I not saying that everyone has to do what I did. But, we need to be ok with asking ourselves the hard questions. We have to start by being honest with ourselves before we can be honest with our kids. That's really all they want anyway. Not a perfect parent, but an honest one. It's my job to be consistent. Consistent in what I say and do, or what I say and don't do will be ineffective. So, a lot of the things I've researched and changes I've implemented when it comes to parenting are really family changes, not just kid changes. And so that is where I will be coming from in my thinking, it's from a place of being honest with myself and with my family and starting from there. What is my next step towards growth and not getting overwhelmed by perfection or comparison but simply focusing on growth. Because not only my family, but I deserve to be the best me I can be, and only I can change that. And so, forward and onward.